Say no?
Last night I was pulled over because my brake light and the light above my license plate was out. I handled it like the professional that I am of course.
At first I thought I was being tailed by an asshole. This asshole turned out to be a cop, which is like, imagine my surprise right? So of course as I pull over I jump the curb a little bit because that’s my usual go-to and I’m not going to freak out and act differently because of Mr. Cop. There’s a reason I’m not a great driver and that’s because hot girls can’t drive.
As Mr. Cop pulls up to my window. I instantly do two things as a very professional and chill person. I first hand my dog that’s on my lap over to my dad and then toss my cutwater in my cup holder into the backseat. Like I said, I have the reactions of a cat. He comes up and I’m not going to lie, he's kind of cute. He tells me why he pulled me over and I’m like half surprised but also not surprised that my car is breaking on me because I’ve been avoiding going to get my car looked at for a year now due to lack of funds. I didn’t tell him any of this though… not yet of course.
According to my dad when he asked if I have been drinking I should’ve said no, but I’m an honest gal especially when a hot cop is flashing a light in my face. Also I only had a beer or two and I feel fine. If I didn't, I wouldn’t have driven.
And so, Mr. Cop asked me to step out of my car and do some tests. I’m pretty nervous because even though I’m not drunk, I’m still a clumsy girl with no balance, high anxiety, and red eyes from overwearing my contact lenses. I’ve heard from MANY people that sometimes my personality just sounds drunk. Though I was also a little curious because I’ve never had to do these tests before.
My competitive side wanted to ace the shit out of these tests.
I followed the fingers, walked the line, held my left foot up and counted, looked up at the sky with my eyes closed and counted quietly, and prepared for the last test of the breathalyzer. First off, I didn’t know there were so many tests. I only ever thought it was just the walk in a line test and maybe sometimes the ‘follow the finger’ test if they’re trying to be flirty and gaze into my eyes.
And might I add Mr. Cop was heavily flirting.
He’d ask, “When was the last time you slept?”
I said, “I sleep alone, I’m single.”
He said, “you passed, are you high? You had shifty eyes.”
I replied, “They’re brown, but they glow a little in direct sunlight.” Mr. Cop had a friend too who was also cute. He probably called him to come check me out too or something. Mr. Cops friend told me that lightbulbs are cheap and shouldn’t be too pricey to replace. I thought it was sweet that he was offering to change them for me.
The last thing was the “optional” breathalyzer test but I know they only offered it because they wanted to talk to me longer so of course I said yes to it. I had no place to be. I mean I did have my dad, his friend, and my dog in the car waiting for me and later I learned they were getting concerned with how long it was taking. But I knew my dad would understand I mean the man wants grandkids.
Mr. Cop wished me a good night and the poor guy was probably nervous to ask me out and I wasn’t going to say anything because I play hard-to-get. Now, it’s in fate's hands to bring us back together. Maybe he will show up to every car garage tomorrow in hopes of running into me. Sigh. Only time will tell.
Bonus content:
Things Alexis told Mr. Cop that she didn’t have to:
She has anxiety
She takes wellbutrin
She didn’t take it that morning but she usually does in the mornings
Everything she did that day hour by hour from waking up to what time she took her nap to where she went to get her dog’s halloween costume
How much she gets paid, her hours, and where her money goes
She does yoga, but not often. And she’s not great at it, but she has fun
She may or may not have good balance
The heels she was wearing that day were new and that day was her first time wearing them
She originally didn’t want to take her shoes off because she didn’t want to go through the hassle of putting them on
She then apologized for sounding lazy and took her shoes off
Explained that she hasn’t gotten an oil change in a year
Where her favorite spot on the beach is to go and overhear concerts
How she can’t leave her dog in her car for long and when she does she’s sad the whole time and wishing to go back to her car
Her dogs name and that she helps with her anxiety
That she wears her contacts months pass their expiry date
She wasn’t aware there was a light above her license plate
She doesn’t know where her BAC should be
Car garages give her anxiety